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" Every couple is faced with the choice of a name, although not all bother to grapple with it. We wish to take you through our thinking process, to let you know how we chose the name we did.
" Tradition says that the woman takes on the last name of the man, and will also be known as Mrs. Husband's Name. This tradition has eroded since the feminist movement because many women do not wish to have their identity usurped by their husband: to become a feminine version of him, or a piece of his property. There is no reason other than patriarchy why it should be the man's name that is preserved.
" The husband taking on the wife's name is no more fair. So, many modern couples have taken to using both family names, and hyphenating them. Thus we come up with such cumbersome names as Kenneth Heath-Winchenbach. This is, at best, a temporary solution. What do the children of such couples do when they get married? They certainly won't want to triple or quadruple hyphenate their names.
" The simplest answer is for the wife and husband to keep their own, separate names. To us, this denotes a lack of union between the two. The custom of names has served to symbolize the joining of two people. The business-like practicality of doing away with it is representative of an age where marriages have lost some of their zing (not to mention longevity). And once again, the children suffer. Do they get to choose their own name? Do they take their father's name? Do girls take the mother's name? We've got more problems than we started with.
" The last option is for the couple to take an altogether new name. This provides a sense of union between the two, doesn't cause problems for the children, and gives the couple a chance to define the family they are creating. The loss is in a sense of history. This can be lessened by creating a new name that is a fusing of the two family names. This is, we believe, the best option available. Unfortunately, our best option is Winchenheath. In Ken's mind, that sounds a little too jury-rigged. So we chose a name that meant something to us, and is also a beautiful word: Walden. We, and our children, will have a name to unite us. We wish for our future family to have a sense of unity. We don't know any way to unite that with our wish to preserve our family names.
" We want to let our families know that we feel the loss of our family names. Ken is fully aware that he is one of the last Winchenbachs in his branch of the tree, and Amanda, too, is one of the last Heaths. We realize that there will be those in our families upset at our choice. But we see no other way. Look back in all of our family trees and you will see many family names that have already disappeared due to our traditional naming system. Going back to your parents, there is one name lost. Coming from your grandparents are four different family names, of which you have been given only one. If we choose to be Winchenbach, shouldn't we mourn the loss of Heath? Shouldn't we mourn Drew, Bernier, Syrjala, Dann, Jamer and Harriman? There are no winners when eight names join into one couple. Yes, we are sorry that we are not continuing the names that our families gave to us. But we are also sorry for the names that have already been lost, yet are a part of us. Every way we move, names die all around us. We will hold on to our 'maiden' names. And we hope to use some of the lost family names to name our children. We are trying to be just people. But it is an unjust world.
" If you have a suggestion for us, please include it on your reply card. Let us know if you like Walden or Winchenheath, or if you have another solution. We are struggling with this issue, and we value everybody's ideas. Tradition has abandoned us here in this wasteland, and we don't know any way out that doesn't hurt."